At 0545 in the morning we will be boarding the plane.... then a day later we meet the birth mom for dinner... then a day from that she will be induced, at 0630 Monday morning.
"How are you feeling?" That is the question I have been asked and I am asking myself...That question makes me cry as I try to write this.
I am nauseated, happy, sad, nervous, scared, excited, antsy, and idk what else.... I keep crying. I keep crying because I am SO excited but I have to keep a guard up, but I don't want to. I want to embrace EVERY moment that we are experiencing. But what happens if I get him, I hold him, I do skin to skin with him off and on and at 23 hours old she takes him back?
I am soooo scared. I am sooo nervous. What if she doesn't like us when she meets us? Whats so crazy is that I already love her so much. I think she is so courageous and selfless and amazing for acknowledging someone else could give her son a better life. That is TOUGH and she was brave enough to do it.
Now that we are only three days away from induction date I am reflecting on this experience. One reason I am so scared is because this entire, very short process, has gone SO smoothly. I hear stories from people that have experienced multiple failed in vitro rounds, failed adoptions, etc and they are STILL waiting. Cory and I haven't even went through that, and we were matched so quickly... I hope we are not due for our failure. I hope that since God put us here he will get us through it.
A lady the other night said to me "When You Plan He Laughs..." Wow, how true is that? And that is why I cannot plan, that is why I have to put every ounce of trust in the Lord and the outcome will be what was supposed to happen.
These next few days may be the absolute most amazing experience of my life. It already has been. The day we were matched was the day I found out I was "pregnant," pregnant with Carter who would only be here in one month! Every day he truly has grown in my heart and I am beyond ready to hold this sweet little miracle.
But these next few days could be the worst experience ever. I could be the hardest most emotional days, but I am praying... so hard.. and I am trusting the Lord so I know, though I may cry non stop for days that I will be able to seethe reason and blessing in all of this.
So, here we are, just one day from catching our flight, my maternity leave has begun, and I am spending the last day with my babies here at home (my puppies). I will update as we are in Utah and def update once we get him. Thank you all sooooo much for prayers, you have been our backbone!