One thing that has been so comforting throughout this process is the decrease in wanting something so bad... Because I'm getting it. My whole life I imagined what it would be like to get married and have my first child. I imagined a beautiful pregnancy full of nights begging Cory to run and get me pickles and ice cream when I wanted it and I imagined looking beautiful (as beautiful as myself could get haha) and having the pregnancy "glow." I always thought pregnancy was the most beautiful thing God allowed a person to go through.
I've known for years that adoption was meant for me, but the timing I did not. How was I supposed to know when to adopt? Do you have biological first? Do you have a biological at all? Fears of bonding and not carrying a baby crossed my mind at the beginning. Fortunately, I don't even think about "being pregnant." I am pregnant, in a different way. I am expecting a baby and have the opportunity to prepare a nursery, make the decision of a name with my husband, and prepare myself to be the Godly mother God has called me to be. The strength God has given me blows me away.
After fourteen long months I have no worries. Yes, things are going to be hard, especially with school and work but I have the most amazing family and friends a person could ask for (yes I am crying right now) and I have The Lord who will continue to give me strength.
This decision God has led us to has been the biggest blessing in my life and we don't even have the best part of it yet.
Why am I writing this? I really don't know, ha! I just know that the time is coming... The time to get "the call" and fly to whatever state necessary. The time to be terrified about whether or not the birth mom will change get mind, and the time The Lord comes and says "it's okay, I know the plans I have for you." The time to ask our community to pray for the birth mother and us, and the time to bring the baby home in our arms....forever. I found some scriptures that I read almost daily to remind me of Gods calling and how wonderful this journey will be. In about 10 days we finalize the paperwork by reviewing the typed home study and then we wait... We wait for "the call."